The Five Stages of Every Group Project

Hell hath no fury like a student forced into a group project. No matter what your major is, you are bound to find yourself at some point knee-deep in an assignment that requires a shared initiative. So whoever you are, know that you’re not alone in having to face the horrors of working with other students.

1. The Declaration: Let me paint you a little picture. You’re in a 9AM lecture and the only thing keeping you together is the fact that it is Friday. As you daydream about binge-watching a TV series, your professor drops the G-word and in the worst case scenario, sets you up with people you only know from the quirky nicknames you’ve assigned them in your head. Maybe they’ll be alright after all? That bring us to the next stage.

2. Great Expectations: Experience has failed you in every regard. For the group project, you turn into an unrelenting enthusiast and try to pass on this spirited approach to others in your group. All of you plan on working together for eight hours straight over the weekend. Social media groups are formed and you are ready to roll!

3. Counting on Tomorrow: After a few minutes of initial discussion, you part ways with your project mates for what you naively assume are only a few hours. You don’t hear from them for the rest of the weekend but let it go because that TV series is desperately calling your name and you can resist everything but temptation.

4. Caffeine in Spirit: After the weekend flies by in a haze, Monday brings the rude reminder that this project will be graded. Alarm bells begin to go off in your head as you try to round up project mates at your student accommodation. To nobody’s surprise, the student who showed the most interest has now conveniently disappeared. You chug a lethal concoction of energy drinks and black coffee to pull the infamous all-nighter. Your lives may not be on track, but Lord knows this project will be! Tears are shed, friendships are lost and made, but as the sun begins to rise over the horizon, you find yourself putting the final touches to the world’s quickest masterpiece.

5. The Submission: As you turn your work in, you begin to have second thoughts about its excellence in the harsh light of the professor’s steely gaze. This unease is short-lived, as you find yourself making your way to the college bar for a celebratory pint. After all, a great group project is a finished group project.

Written by Shireen Gupta